Hi beautiful! As someone who’s experienced all the highs and lows of dating in the modern age, I know how crucial it is to actually get to know your partner. Whether you’re just getting started on the apps or already planning your fairy-tale wedding, the right questions can either make or ruin your relationship.
I’ve spent years interviewing couples, relationship coaches, and let’s be honest, making my own share of mistakes along the way. Today I’m sharing all that I’ve picked up on the most vital questions to ask your partner at each and every stage of your romance.
Trust me, these question starters will help you create a deeper connection and skip those pesky awkward moments that leave you reaching for your phone every five seconds.
Table of Contents
Best Questions To Ask Your Partner When You Begin Dating
These initial dates are just so exhilarating but also stressful! You don’t want to know everything without turning it into an interview. Below are the best relationship questions to ask your partner for those initial dating days:
Fun and Light Questions
- What is your definition of a perfect weekend?
- Do you like mornings or evenings?
- What do you like to do on a rainy day?
- Do you like to text or call?
- What was the best gift you ever got?
- Are you spontaneous or planner?
- What is your favorite comfort food?
- Do you travel or stay at home?
- What’s your favorite season and why?
- Do you like dogs or cats?

Getting to Know You Better
- What do you do for a living and do you adore it?
- What are you most passionate about?
- How do you wind down after a long day?
- What kind of music do you enjoy?
- Do you have any hobbies I should know about?
- What’s the last book you read or show you binge-watched?
- Are you on good terms with your family?
- What’s your favorite way to spend your birthday?
- Do you enjoy going to new restaurants or do you prefer favorites?
- What is something that makes you laugh every time?

Values and Lifestyle
- What matters most to you in life at the moment?
- How do you cope with stress?
- Do you enjoy quiet nights at home or nights out?
- How do you get on with social media?
- Are you religious or spiritual?
- What do you think about work-life balance?
- What is your greatest pet peeve?
- How do you express affection?
- How do you communicate?
- Do you think in giving a second chance?
Fun Future Questions
- Where would you love to go next?
- What’s in your bucket list?
- If you could acquire any new skill, what would it be?
- What is your ideal job?
- How do you envision your dream home?
- What’s something you’d like to try but have not yet?
- Do you see yourself living in the same city in the long run?
- How do you like to celebrate milestones?
- How do you see yourself spending your downtime?
- What are you most anticipating this year?
Best Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend When You’re Getting Serious
After a few months of dating, it’s time to get a little more serious. Here are some questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to see whether you two are compatible for the long term:
Past Relationships and Dating
- What did you learn from your previous relationships?
- What is your largest dating deal breaker?
- How do you know that you are prepared for something serious?
- What is commitment for you?
- How do you deal with jealousy?
- What’s your love language?
- How significant is physical intimacy for you?
- What is the role of friends in your life?
- How do you deal with arguments?
- What’s your greatest fear regarding relationships?

Life Goals and Ambitions
- Where do you see yourself in five years?
- What are your career goals?
- How significant to you is financial security?
- To you, what does success mean?
- Do you desire to be a homeowner one day?
- What are your views on debt and spending?
- What’s your dream for retirement?
- How significant to you is ongoing learning?
- What kind of legacy do you wish to leave?
- How do you balance your personal aspirations with relationship aspirations?
Family and Background
- Describe your childhood.
- What is your relationship with your parents like?
- Are you an only child or do you have siblings, and are you close?
- What are your favorite family traditions and why?
- How has your background influenced who you are today?
- What’s the best piece of advice your family ever gave you?
- How do you deal with family drama?
- What is it that you wish for your family to contribute to our relationship?
- How do you feel about celebrating holidays with your family?
- What are the family patterns you wish to discontinue or continue?
Deeper Values
- What does a healthy relationship mean to you?
- How do you deal with trust problems?
- What is non-negotiable in a relationship for you?
- How do you wish to develop as an individual?
- What’s the greatest insecurity?
- How do you deal with change?
- What’s your attitude towards money?
- How much is honesty compared to not hurting feelings?
- Where do you stand on forgiveness?
- How do you define loyalty?

Best Questions To Ask Your Partner When You Move In Together
Moving in together is a big leap! These questions to ask your partner will assist you in determining whether you can indeed live together without making each other mad:
Daily Living Habits
- Are you tidy or sloppy?
- What do you think about sharing cleaning responsibilities?
- What’s your morning ritual like?
- How late do you tend to stay up?
- Do you require alone time and how much?
- How would you react to surprise guests?
- What’s your dream living space configuration?
- Do you enjoy background music or would you rather things be quiet?
- Are you okay with pets in the home?
- What’s your personal space policy?

Household Organization
- How are we going to divide the expenses?
- Which bills are which person going to pay?
- Are you okay with joint bank accounts?
- What is your shopping for groceries like?
- How frequently should we clean deep?
- Who does what maintenance work?
- How do you deal with home crises?
- What is your position on having friends over?
- How should we shop for stuff around the house?
- What is your desired temperature setting?

Relationship Dynamics
- How much time should we spend together vs. alone?
- How do we resolve disagreements at home?
- What if one of us needs some space?
- How do we treat each other’s property?
- What’s your rule about going through each other’s stuff?
- How do we deal with friends visiting?
- What about overnight visitors?
- How do we make important decisions regarding our home?
- What if we have varying decorating tastes?
- How do we deal with stress when we live together?
Future Planning
- Is this a stepping stone or forever home?
- How long do you envision us residing here?
- What if living together isn’t working for us?
- How do we deal with potential job relocation?
- What if one of us wants to change cities?
- How do we prepare for larger living quarters?
- What’s your timeline for making significant changes to your life?
- How do we manage family visiting us?
- Do you plan on planning vacations together?
- How do we grow together as roommates and as individuals?
Best Questions To Ask Your Partner When You Get Engaged
Engagement is just such a thrilling time! But it’s also the time when you have to have some really meaningful conversations about your future with your partner. Questions to ask your partner when you get engaged:
Wedding Planning
- What is your vision for our wedding?
- How much does a grand celebration vs. small ceremony matter?
- What do you want to include in terms of traditions?
- How do we manage wedding planning stress?
- How comfortable are you with your budget?
- Who should be included in planning decisions?
- How do we manage family input on our wedding?
- What matters most to you regarding our wedding day?
- How do we balance the expectations of both families?
- What if we don’t agree on wedding details?

Marriage Expectations
- What is marriage to you?
- How do you envision us evolving after we get married?
- What promises do you want to exchange for one another?
- How do we maintain the romance in marriage?
- What’s your greatest hope for our marriage?
- What’s your greatest fear of marriage?
- How do we deal with stress in married life?
- What family traditions do you want to begin?
- How do we make decisions in marriage?
- How is teamwork practiced in marriage?
Future Planning
- When do you plan on trying to have children?
- How many kids do you want?
- What is your approach to parenting?
- How do we split up childcare duties?
- What if fertility becomes an issue?
- What do you think about adoption?
- What type of parents would you like to be?
- How do we reconcile work and family?
- What values do we want to instill in our children?
- How do we punish children?

Long-term Goals
- Where do you see us long term?
- What are your professional goals as a married couple?
- How do we facilitate each other’s aspirations?
- What does retirement look like for us?
- How do aging parents handle aging parents?
- What’s your dream for our golden years?
- How do we continue growing together?
- What legacy do we want to create?
- How do we navigate major life transitions?
- What vows do we make for our future?
Best Questions To Ask Your Partner When You’re Getting Married
The wedding planning process can be stressful, but these discussions will allow you to prioritize what truly matters – your marriage, so before getting married, questions to ask your partner:
Marriage Philosophy
- What are your absolute deal-breakers in marriage?
- How do we define a healthy marriage?
- What is the role of compromise?
- How do we each preserve our individuality?
- What does being unconditionally loved mean to you?
- How do we approach significant conflict?
- What is your secrecy policy?
- How do we encourage each other during difficult times?
- What does it mean to be a team to you?
- How do we honor each other’s victories?

Practical Married Life
- How do we manage our finances totally?
- What’s our strategy on big-ticket purchases?
- How do we manage emergency savings?
- What about wills and life insurance?
- How do we coordinate retirement planning?
- What’s our policy on loaning money to relatives?
- How do we approach tax planning?
- What about investment strategy?
- How do we instruct children on financial responsibility?
- What’s our strategy for debt management?
Family Integration
- How do our families mix together?
- What are we establishing boundaries with in-laws?
- How do we do holidays with family?
- What if our families aren’t compatible?
- How much should family dictate our choices?
- What about family financial crises?
- How do we establish our own family identity?
- What holiday traditions from both families do we maintain?
- How do we deal with criticism from family?
- What is our policy when it comes to family visits?

Intimacy and Connection
- How do we keep physical intimacy vibrant?
- What is your strategy for emotional intimacy?
- How do we deal with times of low connection?
- What does quality time mean for us?
- How do we discuss sensitive issues?
- What is your love language and how can I speak it to you?
- How do we deal with physical attraction changes?
- What about trying new experiences together?
- How do we keep the friendship alive in our marriage?
- What’s your dream of growing old together?
Best Questions To Ask Your Partner When You’re Thinking About Having Kids
Having a family is likely the biggest choice you’ll make together. These questions to ask your partner ensure you’re on the same page:
Family Planning Basics
- How many children do you actually want?
- What is your perfect child spacing?
- When do you feel that you are ready to begin trying?
- How do you feel about fertility treatments if necessary?
- What do you think about genetic testing?
- How much does it matter to you that kids have our DNA?
- What if we cannot have biological children?
- How do you feel about surrogacy?
- What’s your adoption position?
- How do we determine when our family is finished?

Parenting Philosophy
- What type of parent do you envision?
- What was your parenting style and how do you want to modify it?
- What values should be most emphasized in teaching?
- Do you believe in discipline and order?
- How do you handle screen time and technology?
- How crucial is religious or spiritual training?
- What about after-school activities and stress?
- How do we manage academic expectations?
- What’s your independence vs. protection philosophy?
- How do we educate children on failure and resilience?
Practical Parenting
- How do we divide nighttime responsibilities?
- What’s your breastfeeding vs. formula philosophy?
- How long is maternity/paternity leave?
- What type of childcare do we favor?
- How do we manage work-life balance with children?
- What is our child expense budget?
- How do we save for their education?
- What about experiences and family vacations?
- How do we make medical decisions?
- What’s our strategy for allowances and finances?
Family Dynamics
- How do we keep our relationship strong after having kids?
- What’s our date night policy?
- How do we disagree about parenting?
- What’s the role of grandparents?
- How do we deal with unsolicited parenting tips?
- And holidays and family traditions?
- How do we educate children about our relationship?
- How do we approach family meetings and communication?
- How do we resolve arguments between siblings?
- What is our vision for family life?
Best Questions To Revisit With Your Partner Every Year
Relationships evolve and grow, so checking in is a regular necessity. I suggest sitting down to have these talks every year:
Relationship Health Check
- How are you feeling about us today?
- What’s been your favorite experience of this year together?
- What’s one thing you’d like to do differently in our relationship?
- Are you receiving what you need from me?
- How can I better love you?
- What’s different about what you need from our relationship?
- Are we having enough quality time together?
- How has our communication gone this year?
- What’s one thing you appreciate about us?
- What’s your greatest relationship aspiration for next year?
Personal Growth
- How have you grown this year?
- What are you proudest of about yourself?
- What do you want to improve on personally?
- How can I help with your personal objectives?
- What’s filling you up outside of our relationship?
- What has been your greatest challenge of the past year?
- How has your outlook on life changed?
- What new hobbies are you cultivating?
- How do you wish to develop next year?
- What legacy would you like to create?
Future Planning
- Are our goals still in sync?
- What should we change about our living arrangements?
- How are we doing financially?
- What are some dreams you’d like to dream together?
- Do we have any major decisions to make?
- What do you see happening in our next five years?
- What kind of adventures would you like to have with each other?
- Are there any relationship patterns that we should talk about?
- What are some traditions you’d like to continue or change?
- How can we help each other’s dreams more?
Intimacy and Connection
- How is our physical connection?
- What is it about you that makes you feel most loved by me?
- How do we increase our emotional intimacy?
- What’s something new you’d like to experience with me?
- What about our social life?
- What’s your go-to way for us to connect?
- How can we improve stress management together?
- What is the thing that makes you feel most appreciated?
- How do we maintain the spark?
- What is your dream for aging together?
Top Questions to Ask Your Partner Regarding Personal Fears and Insecurities
These deeper questions assist you in understanding and supporting one another:
Understanding Fears
- What is your greatest fear in life?
- What worries you at night?
- What’s something you don’t want to share with me?
- How can I assist when you feel nervous?
- What makes you feel most vulnerable?
- What’s the worst that could happen in our relationship?
- What’s a childhood fear that still influences you?
- How do you deal with being scared?
- What do you avoid doing because it frightens you?
- What would you do if fear didn’t hold you back?
Insecurities
- What makes you feel most insecure?
- When do you feel least secure?
- What sets off your insecurities?
- How can I reassure you when you’re unsure?
- What compliments do you find hard to believe?
- What aspect of yourself would you like to change?
- When do you feel most self-conscious?
- What triggers you to compare yourself to others?
- How do you want me to manage your insecurities?
- What would be most helpful to build your confidence?
Past Influences
- What experiences molded your greatest fears?
- How did your upbringing influence your insecurities?
- What messages did you get as a child about who you are?
- What old relationships affect your feelings today?
- What criticism still bothers you?
- What failure continues to undermine your confidence?
- What rejection stung most of all?
- How have your fears evolved over time?
- What trauma still affects you?
- What would you say to your younger self?
Moving Forward
- What do you want to overcome being afraid of?
- How can we go through insecurities together?
- What would make you feel safer?
- What have you changed for the positive?
- What are your strengths you sometimes forget you possess?
- How do you want to develop emotionally?
- What do you need me to support you with?
- What boundaries make you feel secure?
- How do we build a safer relationship?
- What supports you when you’re having a tough time?
Top Questions to Ask Your Partner About Past Trauma or Troublesome Experiences
These delicate discussions take tolerance and empathy:
Getting to Know Their Past
- Is there anything about your background still influencing you?
- What was the worst time of your life?
- How did you handle difficult times during childhood?
- What experience turned your life around?
- Is there trauma you’re still processing?
- What loss has hit you the hardest?
- How has your mental health journey been?
- What’s something hurtful you’ve had to forgive?
- What experience taught you about resilience?
- What healing are you still in process with?
Impact on Relationships
- How do past experiences influence how you trust?
- What triggers should I be mindful of?
- How do you work through hard emotions?
- What supports you when you’re struggling?
- In what ways can I be most helpful to you in bad times?
- What are the boundaries you require with certain subjects?
- How do past relationships influence you today?
- Which patterns from the past concern you?
- How do you like to resolve conflict based on your history?
- What does it take for you to feel safest within our relationship?
Family and Childhood
- What was your childhood family dynamic like?
- Was there any unhealthy pattern in your family?
- How did your parents manage emotions and conflict?
- What childhood experiences influenced your view of the world?
- Did you feel supported and safe when growing up?
- What family relationships required healing?
- How has your relationship with your parents changed?
- What patterns of your family would you like to break?
- What good things did your family teach you?
- In what ways do family dynamics influence you today?
Healing and Growth
- What aided your healing and growth?
- What systems of support were significant?
- How do you engage in self-care and healing?
- What do you find hopeful when times are tough?
- How have you discovered meaning in your suffering?
- What strength have you found in yourself?
- What would you want others to understand about healing?
- How do you want me to respect your path and experiences?
- What ongoing growth are you striving towards?
- How can we create a healing supportive relationship?
Most Important Questions to Ask Your Partner About Values and Beliefs
Knowing one another’s fundamental values supports building a solid foundation:
Core Values
- What values inform your everyday choices?
- What values are unmovable for you?
- How did you form your moral compass?
- What does integrity mean to you?
- How significant is honesty in every situation?
- What’s your take on loyalty and commitment?
- What’s your understanding of respect in relationships?
- What’s the place of compassion in your life?
- How significant is fairness and justice to you?
- What values would you like to be remembered for?
Religious and Spiritual Beliefs
- What’s your connection with spirituality?
- How significant is religious practice to you?
- What’s your perception of life’s meaning and purpose?
- How do your beliefs influence everyday life?
- What is the role of faith in our relationship?
- How do you respond to doubts concerning your beliefs?
- What spiritual disciplines give you peace?
- How do you wish to present beliefs to children?
- How do you honor other belief systems?
- What are the traditions that are significant to you?
Social and Political Views
- What are the most important social causes to you?
- How do you manage political differences?
- Where do you stand on key social issues?
- How significant is community engagement?
- What injustices trouble you most?
- How would you like to leave the world better than you found it?
- How do you think about assisting others in relation to caring for yourself?
- How do you resolve conflicts when values clash?
- What do you wish the world was different about?
- What are your six most important values and how do they affect your decisions?
Life Philosophy
- What do you think of human nature?
- What is success and happiness to you?
- How do you approach failure?
- How do you balance hope and reality?
- What do you think of fate vs. free will?
- How significant is personal growth to you?
- What’s your work and purpose philosophy?
- How do you forgive?
- What are your thoughts on love and relationships?
- What kind of legacy do you wish your values to leave?
Best Questions to Ask Your Partner About Goals and Dreams
Sharing dreams aids you in constructing a future together:
Personal Ambitions
- What’s the ultimate dream for your life?
- Which goal are you most passionate about achieving?
- What are you hoping to master?
- Where would you like to be in 10 years?
- What is on your bucket list?
- What creative endeavor beckons to you?
- What would you do if there were an unlimited budget?
- What experience do you wish to have?
- What do you want to know?
- What kind of difference do you want to make?
Career and Professional Aspirations
- What’s your dream career path?
- What professional success means most to you?
- How do you measure career success?
- What do you wish to develop skills in?
- What type of work environment excites you?
- How significant is work-life balance?
- What leadership roles appeal to you?
- How do you see yourself developing professionally?
- What legacy do you desire in your career?
- What would your ideal job entail?
Relationship and Family Dreams
- What’s your ideal vision for our relationship?
- What type of partner do you envision becoming?
- What do you see our family life like?
- What kind of traditions do you hope to build?
- What kinds of adventures do you want to have with us?
- How do you see us growing together?
- What kind of house do you dream of?
- What kinds of experiences do you hope to have with children?
- How do you want to mark milestones?
- What’s your dream retirement?
Experiences in Life and Personal Growth
- Where would you like to travel?
- Which languages would you like to study?
- Which physical obstacles do you wish to overcome?
- Which fears do you wish to overcome?
- Which new passions interest you?
- How do you wish to serve others?
- Which stories do you wish to be able to share?
- What would push you beyond your comfort zone?
- How do you want to continue learning and expanding?
- What dreams have you not told anyone about yet?
Good Questions to Ask Your Partner About the Relationship Itself
There are times when you have to discuss the relationship itself:
Relationship Satisfaction
- What’s your favorite thing about us as a couple?
- How do you feel about where we’re going?
- What makes you most excited about our future?
- What relationship milestone are you excited about?
- How do you think we complement each other?
- What’s something special about our connection?
- What do you love most about how we talk?
- How do you feel when folks ask us about our relationship?
- What makes you most confident about us?
- What’s your favorite memory of us?
Areas for Growth
- What’s one thing we could do better in our relationship?
- How might we support one another better?
- What pattern should we notice?
- How can we disagree better?
- What do you need more from me?
- How might we make time for each other?
- What part of our communication might improve?
- How might we continue to grow together?
- What boundary would strengthen our relationship?
- What would be a healthy habit for us as a couple?
Needs and Expectations
- What do you need from me in order to feel loved?
- How do you like to resolve conflict?
- What would be your optimal amount of together time and space?
- How do you like to celebrate success?
- What kind of support do you need under stress?
- How do you like to make important decisions?
- Which communication style do you prefer?
- Which way of expressing and receiving affection do you like?
- Which boundaries are essential to you?
- Which rituals are significant for you in a relationship?
Future Vision
- How do you envision us growing over time?
- What challenges can we expect and how do we prepare for them?
- Which type of couple would you like us to become?
- How do you envision we handle life’s big changes?
- What does growing old together mean to you?
- How do we want to deal with success and failure?
- How much of a role do you want family and friends to have?
- How do we maintain romance over the long-term?
- What vows do you want us to exchange with each other?
- What is your ultimate vision for our love story?
How Can I Ask These Questions Without It Feeling Like an Interview?
Let’s get real – no one wants to feel like they’re being interrogated! Here are my tested and proven ways to ask more profound questions without it feeling like an interview:
Create the Right Setting
The environment matters so much. I love having these conversations during long walks, cozy nights in, or during road trips. There’s something about being side by side instead of face to face that makes it feel less intense.
Start Small
Don’t take the plunge straight into the deep end. Start with softer questions and allow the conversation to naturally lead deeper. If they are made uncomfortable, back off and attempt again at a different time.
Share Your Own Answers First
I always begin by sharing my own answer to the question. This reveals vulnerability and makes it feel more conversational than interrogative.
Use Natural Question Beginnings
“I was wondering about…” or “Something got me wondering about…” or “I heard this interesting question today…” These sound much more natural than just having a barrage of questions.
Make It Two-Way
Alternate asking questions to each other. Then it doesn’t feel like you’re putting one person on the spot but you’re both just kind of discovering things together.
What Are Some Indicators That My Partner May Not Be Ready for Intense Conversations?
Not everybody works on the same timeline with feelings and thoughts, and that’s completely okay! What to look out for:
Body Language Cues
- Constantly checking their phone
- Evasion of eye contact
- Crossing arms or turning aside
- Fidgeting or appearing restless
- Brief, curt answers
Verbal Cues
- Frequently changing the subject
- Providing extremely shallow responses
- Saying “I don’t know” to everything
- Joking to avoid serious topics
- Appearing annoyed by the questions
What to Do: Don’t take it personally! Some individuals require time to warm up to meaningful conversations. Attempt to step back and approach these topics later when they appear more comfortable and receptive.
How Often Should We Have Deep Conversations?
This entirely relies on your communication dynamics and relationship! Here’s what I’ve discovered works best:
For New Couples
Begin with one significant conversation weekly. This allows both of you time to digest and doesn’t overburden the relationship.
For Established Couples
Deep conversations at least every couple of weeks, with yearly relationship check-ins addressing larger topics.
For Married Couples
Weekly emotional check-ins are ideal, in addition to quarterly goal tracking and yearly relationship evaluations.
Remember: Quality over quantity! One authentic, meaningful conversation is worth more than ten shallow conversations.
FAQs: Questions to Ask Your Partner
What if my partner doesn’t answer certain questions?
Respect their boundaries! Everyone has questions they’re not yet ready to answer. Let them know you’re there when they’re ready, and work on establishing trust in other forms.
Do we need to talk about everything prior to marriage?
You don’t have to bring up every topic, but core values, goals, and relationship killers need to be talked about. Prioritize the questions that are most important to your particular circumstances.
What if we find out we’re incompatible over something significant?
Don’t freak out! Some incompatibilities can be negotiated with compromise and communication. For genuine deal-breakers, it’s preferable to know sooner rather than later.
How do I remember all of these questions?
You don’t have to! Choose a few from each category that feel authentic to you. Bookmark this article and return to it when you need to get inspired for more in-depth conversations.
What if the questions result in arguments?
Arguing is healthy and normal! The catch is how you resolve them. Prioritize listening to each other over being right, and step away if things get too intense.
Can the questions salvage a failing relationship?
Communication can certainly help, but it’s not a magic cure. If you’re experiencing severe relationship problems, try couples therapy in addition to these conversations.
What if my partner thinks these questions are dumb?
Try rewording them! Instead of “relationship questions,” refer to them as “getting to know you better” talks. Some folks react more positively when it doesn’t sound so official.
Ought we write down the answers?
That’s completely your call! Some couples adore having relationship journals, but others like simply talking. Do what comes naturally for your relationship.
What if we communicate in really different ways?
This is really typical! One of us may be more verbal and the other thinks more internally. Take your time and look for common ground.
Conclusion
A good, long-term relationship requires more than butterflies and good chemistry. It requires effortful communication, understanding, and the willingness to have those deeper, meatier conversations that truly matter.
These questions to ask your partner aren’t just icebreakers – they’re relationship builders. They allow you to get to know each other’s hearts, dreams, fears, and values in a way that small talk cannot.
Keep in mind, every relationship is different. You don’t have to ask each and every one of these questions. Choose the ones that feel appropriate for your relationship and your partner’s comfort level.
The key is that you’re both willing to be open, honest, and vulnerable with one another. That’s where true love develops.
Get your favorite person, set the mood right, and begin venturing into each other’s inner lives. I promise your relationship will be richer for it.
What are some questions you’re looking forward to asking your partner? Let me know in the comments below!
Keep styling your life with love,
StyleUpLadies.com






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